How to Start Being More Assertive

How to Start Being More Assertive

How to Start Being More Assertive

As a hypnotherapist specialising in anxiety and confidence, I see a lot of clients who want to become more assertive. This tends to go hand in hand with low self esteem and low self respect and can also cause stress and even resentment, which has a knock on effect for your whole wellbeing.

What is Assertiveness?

Being assertive means that you feel comfortable expressing your opinion or feelings and standing up for your needs without feeling bad or guilty about it.

Some people make the mistake of thinking that being assertive means being aggressive but these are actually two entirely different ways of behaving. Being assertive involves being firm but also with a calm and measured approach.

If you’re struggling to be assertive, here are a few things that may be true for you:

  • You feel incredibly anxious (and maybe physically ill) at just the thought of getting involved in a confrontation

  • You’re very uncomfortable or afraid of offering your opinion to others, especially if it’s different to theirs

  • You’re frequently being treated as a pushover by other people and feel resentful and angry about this

  • You’re not able to say “no” if you don’t want to do something

  • You feel stressed or even overwhelmed because of the demands being put on you by other people

Here are some tips for being more assertive:

Work out where you need to focus more

Even if you’re passive in general, there may well be particular parts of your life that you’d really like to be more assertive in such as work or in social situations. You may also be more passive when you’re with particular people. Working out which areas you need to assert yourself the most is a great first step for developing the skills you’ll need to put this into action.

Focus on “I” statements

The words that you use when you’re trying to be assertive can make all the difference when it comes to commanding the respect you want to get. Focusing on yourself and how you feel is a better tactic than using “you” as the other person is a lot less likely to feel that they’re being accused of something and go on the defensive. Make your statements concise and get to the point quickly so that you appear firm and in control.

For example, instead of telling a colleague who piles too much pressure on you that “you never pull your weight”, you could try saying something along the lines of “I feel that we work so much better as a team”. This approach is generally a lot less aggressive in how it comes across and will get a better reaction from the other person.

Avoid being so passive

Being afraid to assert yourself is often the result of wanting to keep the peace but what this type of passive behaviour really says to other people is that their thoughts, feelings or needs are more important than yours. This gives them a green light to behave and act as though this is indeed the case.

Being more assertive can be a big challenge if you’re used to being passive most or all of the time but it’s what you need to do to start putting your own needs first and reducing stress and anxiety.

Hypnotherapy for assertiveness can help you to learn the skills you’ll need to move away from being passive and feel more comfortable standing up for yourself when you need to.

Say no

Being too scared to say no to people can mean that you stretch yourself far too thinly and pile more stress on yourself. Often, this is because you are scared of upsetting people but think of it as rebalancing your own needs so that their needs aren’t put above yours.

Practice makes perfect

Being assertive for the first time can be incredibly nerve wracking but trust me, it does get easier the more you do it!

Being more assertive in your mind is one thing but it can be a whole different story when it comes to putting it into action in a real situation. Practicing in front of the mirror or with a friend can make it feel less daunting and help you to feel more at ease with being assertive on a face-to-face basis.

Put these tips into action and get in touch with me today to start talking about how hypnotherapy for assertiveness can help you to start putting your needs first.

Hypnotherapy for Self Esteem

hypnotherapy for self esteem

Hypnotherapy for Self Esteem

Do you need hypnotherapy for self esteem? Do you tend to have a negative view of yourself and what you are really worth? We all have days when we don’t feel so good about ourselves but if you feel like this most of the time, it can be a sign that you have low self esteem.

This is a really common issue and I see lots of clients who are struggling with self esteem issues. Poor self esteem can affect other parts of your life too, including your mental health and relationships and hold you back in life

If you have low self esteem, here are some of the things that may be true:

  • Being overly critical of yourself and believing negative things about yourself

  • Comparing yourself to other people and drawing negative results

  • Feeling negatively about life in general

  • Not feeling able to deal with challenges in your life

  • Avoiding situations that may challenge you or scare you (including social situations)

  • Not feeling able to assert yourself

  • Blaming yourself for things you’re not at fault for

  • Feeling that you don’t deserve to be happy

  • Worrying that no one likes you

Here are some tips for boosting your self esteem:

Hypnotherapy for Self Esteem

Identify your negative beliefs

With low self esteem, a lot of your thoughts about yourself are likely to be negative and this can become second nature.

Recognising examples of this in your everyday life is really important for building your self esteem. Write them down and challenge the “evidence” for them. You’ll probably find that there is no real evidence behind your beliefs but there is plenty of facts to dispute them.

Hypnotherapy for self esteem can help you to see yourself in a more positive light and challenge negative views of yourself.

Accept who you are

One of the big reasons behind low self esteem is the desire to be someone other than yourself and not accepting who you are as a person.

If you don’t like who you are as a person and are constantly wanting to change this, it’s hard to feel good about yourself or see yourself in a positive light.

You may never like yourself 100% and there will probably always be the odd thing you’d like to change. If you can get most of the way there, this self acceptance can boost your self esteem. Hypnotherapy for self esteem can help you to get there.

Don’t compare yourself to other people

When your self esteem is low, it’s easy to feel as though everyone else is better than you and you can never measure up to them.

The reality is this: no one is perfect and everyone has plus and minus points. And just like you, these people are probably also dealing with their issues. There’s also a good chance that they have things that they don’t like about themselves too, no matter how they seem on the outside.

Seeing the bigger picture and not comparing yourself negatively to other people is a key part of building your self esteem.

Focus on your strengths

When your self esteem is low, you’re more likely to focus on negative things about yourself and gloss over the good points. Sometimes, you may not even recognise what you’re good at or what other people may admire about you.

We’re all good at something, even if we can’t always admit when this is the case! Pick one thing that you can use a positive starting point and focus on this to begin with. It doesn’t matter so much what this is as long as it’s something you can take pride in. Hypnotherapy for self esteem can help you to focus in on your strengths and abilities.

Hypnotherapy for Self Esteem

Don’t be afraid to say no

Do you find yourself agreeing to everything (even if you don’t really want to) because you don’t have the confidence to say no to people?

Finding the strength to say no to situations that don’t feel comfortable to you can be a big deal if you’re not used to it but it can be very liberating!

Don’t avoid difficult situations

Self esteem can make you more prone to social anxiety and this can encourage you to avoid any situations that are likely to be anxiety inducing or challenging.

This is your mind’s way of protecting you but from a self esteem perspective, it’s actually denying you the opportunity to come through the situation and change what you think you know about yourself. It “confirms” all of the doubts in your mind and reinforces the negative beliefs in your mind.

Put these tips into action and talk to me today to discuss how hypnotherapy for self esteem can help you to feel about yourself and stop holding you back.

Hypnotherapy for Social Anxiety

hypnotherapy for social anxiety

Hypnotherapy for Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is a very common issue and it’s something I’m seeing more clients for lately. It’s also something I’ve had success in helping clients to overcome.

What is Social Anxiety?

A lot of people are shy and don’t look forward to being involved in social situations but social anxiety is a lot more severe than this. It’s a fear of social activities that can cause intense panic, both during the situation itself and in the time leading up to it.

If you have social anxiety, here are some of the things that may affect you:

  • Worrying that you’ll do or say something embarrassing in front of other people and that you’ll look or sound silly

  • Worrying that you’re boring and don’t have anything interesting to add to conversations

  • Having symptoms such as sweating, shaking, feeling sick, feeling lightheaded, palpitations and a shaky voice in social situations or when you think about them

  • Feeling as though you’re being judged by other people in social situations

All of this can make you feel panicky at the prospect of any social situation (including meeting strangers, speaking on the phone and having conversations with people) and I’ve had clients tell me that they try to avoid them as much as possible.

This fear can be linked to a past experience where a social situation caused embarrassment or anxiety and this paved the way for social anxiety. It’s a way for the subconscious mind to try to protect you by not getting involved in a situation where this could happen again.

Another theory is that certain ways of thinking can play a part too. Some of my clients have found that they automatically start thinking about what could go wrong in a social situation and this causes them to panic. Often, they have had negative thought patterns in general and low self esteem.

Most people who have social anxiety don’t want to feel like they do but feel their fears are out of their control. The clients I’ve worked with have been desperate to overcome their fears and not feel that they’re being held back by their social anxiety.

With hypnotherapy for social anxiety, learned behaviours and unhelpful thinking can be challenged and changed so that social situations are no longer a source of great fear and panic.

Here are a few tips on managing social anxiety:

Challenge your thoughts

Do you find yourself making negative predictions before you go into a social situation and trying to second guess what people think of you when you’re there? This causes a massive amount of anxiety and saps your confidence right from the off.

These unhelpful thoughts are what is driving your social anxiety but remember that they aren’t proven facts and can be challenged. Once you start recognising unhelpful thoughts and unpicking their significance, you can start to get on top of social anxiety.

Hypnotherapy for social anxiety can help you to replace negative, unhelpful thoughts with positive alternatives.

Don’t focus on yourself as much

If you have social anxiety, it’s likely that you’ll spend a lot of time focusing on the physical effects of your fear and this can encourage you to feel self conscious and vulnerable in a social situation. Your anxiety is a lot more obvious to you than it is to other people and most people won’t pick up on it. Focusing on things other than yourself when you’re in social situations can reduce some of the self consciousness you feel.

Avoiding safety behaviours

Avoiding social situations is a common safety behaviour for people with social anxiety but it doesn’t protect you as much as you might think.

Other safety behaviours can include leaving social situations as quickly as you can or staying on the fringes so that you don’t draw attention to yourself.

These actions don’t protect you as much as you may think and in stopping you from proving to yourself that you can cope well in social situations, they just keep social anxiety going.

Gradually breaking free of safety behaviours is a scary but very necessary part of overcoming social anxiety.

Put these tips into action to get the ball rolling and get in touch with me today to discuss how hypnotherapy for social anxiety can help you!

Sky High Relaxation – Hypnotherapy at The Shard

hypnotherapy london


hypnotherapy london

Last Tuesday I had the pleasure teaming up with my friends at Serene Social to deliver a group hypnotherapy session to some wonderful people at one of London’s most iconic buildings, The Shard.

We rolled out yoga mats, everyone comfy and I guided everyone into a deep state; helping them to access their subconscious minds and create more calm and positivity.

Afterwards we enjoyed some wonderful turmeric tea from Wunder Workshop and the stunning views of London.

I’m running another on 21st June – click here to book

chloe shard group image

What Success Really Looks Like {Video}


Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

regrets of the dying

Morbid post alert! I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry. This is way too much of an important topic not to write about!

When I think about people looking back over their lives with a sense of regret, it makes me feel really sad.

But, I know how easy it can be to go through your life ‘putting up’ with issues that seem too troublesome to tackle, feeling too afraid to confront them or just getting caught up in the busyness of every day life to do the things they really want to do. Change can seem really hard.

So sometimes a book or an idea, that really hits you in the gut, is just the thing to be the catalyst for change. This is that book.

In Top 5 Regrets of the Dying, Bronnie Ware draws on her experience as a palliative care nurse.  Through working closing with people who were dying, she saw similar themes around regret cropping up again and again.

Here are the themes that she noticed. I invite you to consider whether any of these could apply to you, so that you might have the awareness to make changes now, and avoid the regret in the future. I know I’ll be doing this.

1. ”I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” This, apparently, is the most common regret of all. What dreams do you want to fulfil? Are you following your own path, or someone else’s? What action can you take today to start doing more of what you want today?

2.”I wish I hadn’t worked so hard” If you’re someone that works too hard (like I can sometimes) this might hit you like a tonne of bricks. It’s easy to allow work to become all consuming, and to believe that there will always be ‘some other time’ to relax and do things we enjoy or spent time with the people we love.

The time to enjoy your life is now. Is it time to get off the treadmill of work and make more time for you?

3. ”I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.” Bronnie notes that lots of us suppress our feelings because we don’t want to rock the boat or upset other people.

Bitterness and resentment are the result; sense of not being free.

Are you holding something in? What steps could you take to be more open and courageous when expressing yourself? It might be hard at first, but it gets easier and the results can be powerful.

4.”I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” Many people get so caught up in their own lives that old friends get left behind. ”Everyone misses their friends when they’re dying” Bronnie says.

I challenge you to reach out to 3 old friends today – send them a letter, email or give them a call. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to hear from you.

5. ”I wish that I had let myself be happier” ”Many people don’t realise until the end of their lives that happiness is a choice”, says Bronnie. I invite you to think about how you can bring more play, silliness and joy in to your life.

I’ve you’ve been stuck in old patterns, it can be comforting and familiar to want to stay the same, but change is possible.

Now, I’d love to hear, do any of these ring true for you? What step can you take today to make a change? Let me know in the comments.

Ready to make a change? Get in touch with me for hypnotherapy sessions in London.

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Hypnotherapy for Fear of Public Speaking

hypnotherapy for fear of public speaking

Hypnotherapy for Fear of Public Speaking

Public speaking is a biggie in terms of what people come and have hypnotherapy for; I see several folks a week for this.

We’ve all heard the statistic that people fear speaking in public more than they fear death…and it can cause intense fear and discomfort during the talk or presentation, but also in the days, weeks and even months leading up to it.

Here are a few of the things you might be worried about if you fear public speaking:

  • That you’ll somehow lose control of your body, freak out, your mind will go blank or have you’ll have a panic attack
  • People will judge you negatively
  • That you’ll look or sound nervous
  • That you won’t be good enough and it will affect you in your life or career.

What I’ve noticed from working with lots of people on this issue is that often the fear is a learned behaviour; a past experience with speaking in public, whether at school or work, that has stayed with you. I’ve had several client tell me about an incident at school where they got up to speak and were laughed at or ridiculed in some way, that led to an intense fear ever since.

I had my own experience with this at University. I got up to give my presentation and I felt so terrified I couldn’t see straight and my lungs felt like they were on fire. (I’m happy to say I’m pretty comfortable with public speaking these days having had hypnotherapy for it myself and I get more comfortable with it all the time).

The subconscious mind latches on to intense experiences and the fear created is a means to try and ‘protect’ you from a similar situation in the future. In this case, the fight or flight response is actually doing the opposite, and creating more problems rather than protecting you. This is good news because it means we can unlearn it and turn it around.

Here are a few tips on overcoming a fear of public speaking

Reframe the fear

Evidence has suggested that those that perceive the fight or flight response as something helpful which will enhance their focus and keep them on their toes are less likely to suffer it’s negative effects.

Remember that the feeling of fear or nervousness is just caused by adrenaline. It can be helpful to think of it as additional energy that is fuelling a great speech.

Bruce Springsteen was known to get nervous before performing but would tell himself that the sensations we spurring him on and improving his performance!

It’s not about you

What other people think of you is none of your business. I mean this in a nice way!

What people think is made up of their own experiences, their upbringings and their beliefs and even the sort of day they’re having. It’s not about you.

So you can give back that responsibility knowing that what other people think of you is their stuff, not yours. Just focus on being yourself and doing your best.

Direct your attention outwards

When you fear public speaking, you may find that you become very conscious of yourself, your own thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations.

Work on directing your attention outwards and on to your audience by focusing intently on what you see and hear in the room and by focusing on the message that you’re getting across.

Belly Breaths

When we’re fearful we tend to take very quick, shallow breaths. Taking deep belly breaths helps to send a message to our nervous system that we’re relaxed. So breathe in deeply and let your belly expand, before slowly exhaling.

Put these tips into practise and get in touch with me to chat about how hypnotherapy for fear of public speaking could help you.
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Your FREE Hypnotherapy MP3

hypnotherapy london

Want to experience hypnotherapy from the comfort of your own couch?

I’m really happy to be giving away a totally FREE 30 minute hypnotherapy MP3.

Its designed to help you to relax, switch off and become more calm and at ease.

Just click the button below, enter your details and the recording will be in our inbox within minutes. Easy!hypnotherapy london

To get the most from the recording, wear headphones and make sure you’re not going to be disturbed for half an hour. You might even like to listen before you go to sleep to calm an overactive mind and ensure you drift off swiftly and peacefully.

I get emails from all over the world telling me how much this has helped them…and I really hope it helps you too!

I’d love to hear your feedback on this recording. Tweet me at @Cbrotheridge or send me an email to and let me know how you get on.

Click Here for Instant Access to your Relaxation MP3

Choosing the Best Hypnotherapist for You

hypnotherapy in london

People often worry about choosing a hypnotherapist, since you’ll want to find the best hypnotherapist to ensure you get the good results.

Choosing any kind of therapist can be a challenge. There are times when I might refer a client on to a different type of therapist and unless someone is known personally or I have a recommendation from someone else, it can be hard to choose which one is going to be the most suitable.

It’s quite common for people to be held back from pursuing hypnotherapy (or any kind of therapy) because they’re worried about making the right choice.

Here are a few tips for choosing the best hypnotherapist (or any kind of therapist for that matter)

  • Much of the success of any type of therapy comes from the relationship that you have with the therapist. Choosing someone that you feel understands you and who you can open up to, trust and feel comfortable with, is really important. Having good rapport with the therapist is often a marker for success in therapy.
  • Have a good in depth chat over the phone or face to face with the therapist. Ask lots of questions and ask them to tell you about what it’s like working with them. Like me, therapists will often offer a free phone call or face to face consultation to help clients to decide if I’m the right therapist for them.
  • Ask around for recommendations from friends or colleagues, or look into testimonials from a third party source like these on Google +. That way you can be sure the testimonials are genuine.
  • Try to choose a hypnotherapist who specialises in what you want to work on – for example anxiety, smoking or weight loss.
  • Have a healthy dose of scepticism around hypnotherapists that promise magical results in very few sessions. Often, change can take time and it will vary from person to person. Also, results from any type of therapy are never guaranteed.
  • Finally, hypnotherapists often have different techniques and approaches, so if you don’t have success with one at first, it is always worth trying another who you may have more success with.

I wish you loads of luck!



Hypnotherapy Myths Busted

hypnotherapy london


The word ‘hypnotherapy’ can conjure up various images in many people’s minds; that gag from Little Britain (“Look into my eyes not around the eyes look into my eyes!”) the swinging pendulum, people being made to quack like a dog…

I’m often being asked to bust myths around hypnotherapy give people the low down on what it’s really like, rather than the (slightly sinister!) image it sometimes gets on TV and in the movies.

  1. You’ll be ‘put under’ and you’ll lose control

This is a biggie that I hear a lot and a common concern that people have around hypnotherapy. I have to say that nobody gets ‘put under’. I hate this term! I reminds me of of getting put under general anesthetic, which of course, hypnotherapy is nothing like.

The somewhat more boring truth is that you’re aware of everything that happens during a hypnotherapy session and you don’t get ‘put under’ anything!

I help clients to calm down the conscious, ‘thinking’ part of the mind, so that their subconscious can listen in and take positive things on board.

It often feels very relaxing, sometimes like daydreaming. You could take yourself out of the experience at any time, if you wanted to.

  1. Many people can’t go in to ‘hypnosis’

What people don’t realise about hypnotherapy is that it’s a really natural state of mind, and we go into similar states several times during the day.

When we day-dream, get mega relaxed in front of the TV, or do things on autopilot, we’re in a similar state of mind to hypnosis.

Anyone can do it…if they want to!

  1. You won’t remember anything from the session

Although it’s nice to think a hypnotherapist will wave their magic wand and cure us overnight, it’s not quite how it works.

During a session you’re often required to engage in the process, using your imagination help seed an idea into your unconscious mind.

You’ll still be aware of what’s being said in the session.

  1. It’s mainly used for stopping smoking

Many people first think of stopping smoking when they think of hypnotherapy, but it’s even more commonly used these days for issues like anxiety and confidence issues and even IBS, for which it’s approved by NICE.

  1. It’s mind control

Do you really think anyone could control your mind?!

In fact, it’s more about getting back in control of old, unhelpful patterns of thinking and feeling.

To find out more about hypnotherapy sessions in London, call me on 07977315063.